seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like eating out sand paper
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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