So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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