I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
