I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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