just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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