You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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