PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
