the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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