Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
