he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
