Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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