HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
