my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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