Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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