Pants 0. Shit 1.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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