I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
