i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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