Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize