Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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