Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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