She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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