well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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