You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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