just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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