I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
