This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The uberlube is also flammable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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