Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
