I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Say something about gay babies.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
