Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
