AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This baby is an asshole
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
