Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
