he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
