No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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