you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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