do herpes really smell.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
