it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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