I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize