I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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