i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
