he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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