Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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