i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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