You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
