just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
