My liver just broke up with me...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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