oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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