I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
