omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
