You're so nebulous sometimes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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