You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We need to get me chipped asap
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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