my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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