2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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