is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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