Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
