just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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