i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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