Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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