Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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