That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
