His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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