Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She bit a glass in half.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
