And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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