Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
