I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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