I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
