$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
