Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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