i don't like sucking hair
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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